BERKELEY, CA—A study published in the latest issue of the Journal Of Social Sciences revealed that the amount of time spent being happy has dropped to an all-time low of 13 nonconsecutive seconds per day. “According to our data, the average American experiences a 0.8-second window of happiness upon awakening, before remembering that they’re conscious beings in a relentlessly bleak and numbing world,” said Dr. Derek Moore, lead author of the paper. “Other periods of happiness include 1.9 seconds after a good meal; 0.6 seconds upon receiving a paycheck; 1.1 seconds following completion of a scientific study; and the 2.5 seconds approaching orgasm, just before the guilt sets in.” Researchers also recorded the smallest period of contentment yet, a 3.7-millisecond interval preceding the realization that one was experiencing happiness and that it could not possibly last.
Tag Archives: the Onion
This from The Onion might be funny and this is not, but it’s all true. Romney has endorsed McCain and that alone has sealed my vote for Hayworth. I’m not at all disappointed in Romney; if he hadn’t endorsed McCain, that would have been out of character, even though there’s no love lost between them.
I understand Sarah Palin’s loyalty but I don’t agree with her and I am disappointed. Levin says loyalty is a virtue and makes (weak) excuses for her, claiming that she had to “make a difficult moral decision.” This is one of those times that I do not agree with Mark Levin. I say she sold out on this one. I really believed she was a different (kinda like me) porson.
In the new book Game Change there are a number of revelations, gossip and innuendo that are attributed to those who were running for president in 2008. There are two quotes in the book though that I have no doubt were actually made. Both are from Senator John McCain.
The first is where McCain said that those who oppose amnesty for illegal aliens are “going to destroy the fucking party”.
The second is in a call with Senator Lindsey Graham where McCain said in frustration at the rebuke he was getting, “Listen to these people … Why would I want to be the leader of a party of such assholes?”. Graham too called those opposed to amnesty bigots.
The Senate Conservative Fund scores McCain 77% and John Kyl (Arizona’s other republican senator) 97% conservative. McCain cannot be counted on to uphold conservative principles. He’s the poster boy for term limits, whereas Kyl is a prime example of NO term limits. I want Kyl back for as many years as we can have him.