I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned on this mostly unread blog but I share a birthday with my mother – December 20th. It’s an especially hard day for me since she died. My dear friend Cheryl’s mother died on her (Cheryl’s) birthday (12/17) and I’m sure that birthday is hard for her, too.
Our birthday (my mom and me) were never big deals for me because it is so close to Christmas and one of the bad things I did, as a mom, was not make my kids’ birthdays a real big deal. I should have been better about that. That’s one of my regrets in life.
We always celebrate our anniversary. We either go out for dinner or to a movie or both. Next year will be 39 years married, both of us, Rich and I, have been married to no one else.
Those are the 3 of the 4 life changing events for me: giving birth to our 2 children and marrying my wonderful husband.
But this blog today is not about birthdays or anniversaries. It’s about my 4th life changing event: my brain tumor.
Next year it will be 10 years since we found this tumor. The prognosis is 7-15 years. So, technically I have 5 years left, give or take a couple either way. I’m sure there are people who don’t like me and probably believe I deserve what I got. (I’ve not always been the nicest person you’ll ever meet.)
In some ways living with this tumor has been a blessing. As a nurse, I had to be compassionate and empathetic but I found that I gained more compassion working as a nurse with this tumor and I also realized that so many people have worse and heavier crosses to bare than I did/do.
It’s also made me realize that there are very few things that are important enough to worry about. Like money. Money comes and money goes and it comes back again. I’ve been trying to instill this philosophy in my kids because they seem to worry a lot about how to pay their bills LOL. I mean, seriously, what’s so important to worry about when you know your days on this Earth are shorter than you want them to be?
I’ve gone back to my church and I pray more. I pray for others, as well as myself. I pray daily for my husband, children, grandsons and my dad and all the people that God knows I mean to include, but can’t list here. It’s a long list, let me tell you.
I have lots of regrets. I hate that part of this most of all. I won’t list them here except to say that I regret the times I wasn’t nice or kind or was just rude to people. I’m trying to atone for all those incidents… the ones I can still remember. I regret the times I hurt my husband, but God love him, he’s forgiven me all that. I regret not being as good a mother as I should’ve been. But, on the other hand, my kids turned out to be great adults. I thank God for them and their dad.
Thanking God is a whole other topic for another blog post that I will get to sooner than later.